I found this draft of a blog post I started on Nov. 7, 2013. Why I didn’t post it I’m not sure, except that metaphorically, I guess I ran out of gas. I hope you enjoy it anyway!
One week ago today was my most recent chemotherapy treatment; with what feels like an anvil chained to each leg, I haven’t pulled out of the side effects as quickly as I have before. In the past, within a week after the treatment, I could count on feeling close to my old self, with energy and drive; this time, I feel stuck.
I’ve been told that the effects of chemotherapy are “cumulative”, meaning that with each treatment, the impact of the effects will increase. If there’s nausea, there will be more nausea; if there are aches and pains, there will be progressively more aches and pains. If there’s fatigue, well, blah. It seems that whoever came up with that idea, well, they were right.
Lately, my legs have felt very heavy, and doing anything feels like a big, breathless effort. Versus other times in my life, when nothing could possibly stop me from doing anything, now everything requites a major effort. I don’t like it.
Yesterday, I figured if I took a nap, I’d have more energy…no. Then I thought if I took a hot bath or shower, that would pep me up. Negative. After all that, I found I’m just more rested, and cleaner.
There’s just not a whole lot I can do about this, except one thing. I can realize that even though physically, right now I’m pretty inert, mentally, I can do anything. That’s thinking I’ve used before to get me through challenging times, asking myself, “What else can I do besides xxx?”
If You Don’t Like the Floor…
This reminds me of when I worked at the ABC affiliate station in San Antonio, KSAT 12. One day, we were being pretty critical of the carpet, which really was horrible and being held together in places by duct tape, totally wrong for the top revenue-generating station in the Post/Newsweek family of stations.
Just as I made a pointed comment about the tattered surface beneath our feet, the General Manager walked through the area and overheard it. In response, he said, “If you don’t like the floor, look at the ceiling”.
So, in response to not liking the floor, I cast my eye upward for a change in perspective. I may not be able to do much physically right now, but there’s nothing to stop me from exercising my right to think, write, create, work on photos, and achieve.
I’m not so weak I can’t make a list. So, I made a list. Amazingly, I’ve gotten a lot done since yesterday. There’s a lot of power in realizing that just because you can’t do “x” doesn’t mean you can’t do “y”.