I realized yesterday, for those of you hanging on the edge of your seats regarding my Hibiscus plants, that I have failed to provide an update. As you may recall, deer had discovered my big, beautiful plants and had chomped them almost to oblivion.
After a moment of eye-popping fury at the destruction, I launched into action. I ordered and received a motion-activated sprinkler, the intent of which was to detect movement within the device’s effective radius, and start spraying like hell. Here is an example of how it works (This is an Amazon review with a video, no need to read the review unless you just want to, but do watch the video.):
So, I got this sprinkler, but hadn’t hooked it up yet. Then, I wondered how it would work to just shine a light on the plants all night…and lo and behold, it seems to have done the trick! My plants are regenerating, and there has been no munching since I implemented this simple measure. So, the deer saw the light, and it was good.
I also realized that I haven’t said anything in my blog about God, and that needs to be corrected, too.
In my view, a thing like a cancer diagnosis is enveloped in mystery, with more questions than answers. Why did I get this? Is it going to come back? Am I going to be in pain? Is it going to kill me?
Back in the early 1980s, when I joined the Episcopal Church, our new-member class went through an exercise intended to help us determine our spiritual gifts. Mine was “discernment”, which with all due humility, I thought was the very best gift of all. I equate it to the ability to hear and act on that wise inner voice I call the Holy Spirit. Over the years of challenges and triumphs since then, my gift of discernment has served me well; listening to it has enabled me to form a direct and personal relationship with the benevolent, holy and spiritual force I refer to as God.
Discernment helped me see that it was time to move home to Beeville last year, and when everything fell into place with that, I knew why. There are no accidents. I had a sense when I came home that something important was going to happen in my life. In April, I had an appendectomy; that wasn’t it, although from it I learned how much support and love for me there is here in Beeville. That seems to have established a precedent for current events.
The cancer diagnosis seems to be that important thing, and it’s a big one! Discernment leads me to see that there is a reason for this. I am an instrument, a voice; my experiences with this are examples, hopefully sources of inspiration and faith. The other day, I was driving down to Rockport to join my wonderful family for our yearly reunion, and the word, “chosen” came to mind. I discern that I am chosen for this mission, and in that I feel honored and blessed.
I don’t know where this journey will lead me, but faith has me buckled in (thankfully, I am not riding the Texas Giant at Six Flags) and discernment helps me maintain a sense of peace. When the treatments start, and I have the bad days I’ve heard about, and my hair falls out, I may feel defeated and angry, and I’ll probably talk about those feelings here and elsewhere. Those feelings will pass; faith and confidence in God will remain.
Tomorrow my dear friend Raymond Butler will arrive at my home, load me up and we will depart for Houston. Once there, we will drive around the Medical Center and find the Venue, where I will be staying, and connect the logistical dots between the Venue and MD Anderson. We will probably ride the tram that runs people all over the Medical Center area, like practicing for the first day of school.
Tuesday morning at 9:30 will be my first appointment with Dr. Pamela Soliman. From there, I don’t yet know what will happen. I will report back as those days come and go.
Thank you for reading my blog, and for caring about me. I’ve received many assurances of prayer and offers of help; just as I believe I am God’s instrument in my cancer journey, so are you in your expressions and demonstrations of love. God is love.