AN IDLE MIND IS THE DEVIL’S WORKSHOP
Oh my…just as I thought I was calm about cancer, I realize I might not be, at least not all the time. I’m out here at the ranch in La Salle County, listening to turkeys peck the window right now, and taking a break from hoping something shows up outside to photograph. It’s real dry here but strangely, nothing is coming to the waterfall to drink, except Roadrunners. Yesterday three came at one time! Oh – and I did have two Bobwhite quail, the highlight of the day!
Maybe I’ve had too much time to myself, or maybe I am having the time I need to connect with my real feelings about being a cancer patient. By the way, I’ve decided I’m not going to use the term, “cancer survivor”. I don’t like it. I prefer “cancer patient” or “former cancer patient”.
As I drove around the ranch this morning, it occurred to me that I’m close to the same age as my mother was when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. I believe she was 58 when diagnosed, and 60 when she died. I think that’s what set off my glum spirit.
Anyway, today I have felt nervous for the first time. I guess that makes me a normal human being, with fears of pain and suffering, and a wish to deny my mortality.
DR. INTERNET SHOULD BE SUED FOR MALPRACTICE
Perhaps also I should stay off the Internet. I went online today to read up on treatments for the type of cancer that was removed from my body, and up came information from research studies, one of which summarily stated that one of the study subjects is dead. No candy coating on that bitter pill! Reading that pretty much flushed what was left of my mood right down the toilet; never mind the rest of the subjects who lived! Going forward, I’ll try to stick to using the web to find stories about folks who are living, smiling, working, and playing, all with cancer somewhere in the mosaic of their lives. However, I need to allow my feelings about this to emerge; to me, that’s the healthy thing to do.
DEER ON CRACK
As I was about to leave my house in Beeville yesterday, I walked by a window and noticed that my big, beautiful Hibiscus plants that were bursting with giant red flowers, had been stripped of their foliage. I was shocked and mad! I called my landscaper, who said that Hibiscus are like crack for deer. Apparently, the damn deer have been sneaking in at night to ravage my landscaping. I asked what to do about it (besides kill the deer), and he said we needed to plant deer-resistant shrubs or plants. He’ll be there this week to take care of it for me. I’m not looking forward to seeing the green stubs that surely await me when I get home this evening.
One of the things I’ve done to line up my ducks for treatment is to consult with my hairdresser regarding my impending loss of hair, investigating wigs and styling them. I inherited my mother’s fine hair, and I recall when hers came back after chemotherapy, it was thick and curly. But in the meantime, I need to figure out how I’m going to manage having no hair. It seems some women have their heads covered up in tattoos. Mmmmm, nah. Not for me. Another former cancer patient friend of mine said she wore a wig for half a day and put it up, and wore do-rags much of the time. I’ll see if there’s some way I can have a little fun with this and not scare the hell out of everyone. Conveniently, I do believe I’ll be having treatment when Halloween rolls around…